v.funny toilet banter

[mrflipflop]

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not
stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in
and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly
going
into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter
in
the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It
is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover.
If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until
everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of
what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo
hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing
the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door
after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with
farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is proud
of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the
bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before
entering
the
bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK ( P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite gender . This will reduce the odds of
a pooer of your gender entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realise that you are in the
cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at
work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar
leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt
that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on
the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper,
as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
THE CRASH MAT:
Putting a few pieces of bog role down first to avoid a splash

[flashpacker]

[Sansash]

Honey ... You need to get a life!!!!!

[johnnymac]

[jasmine2]

Nice Post

[parkduyanh]

haha

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[bean337]

thank u very much

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