Doctors and Nurses

[golden-arrow87]

A word of cautionary advice for those, like myslef, who are new to travelling to exotic locations. If you value your mental health over the risk of physical harm whilst on your travels, then please, I urge you with the utmost sincerity not to tell the local health authority about it. Allow me to illustrate the point...



I strolled into the surgery this morning for my appointment with the nurse, to chat about vaccinations and stuff. a jolly sort of woman, she chirped 'Going anywhere nice?' and settled back in her chair, smiling in a mumsy sort of way at me. If she had hoped it would be a quick appoitment and I was heading off to Skegness for a long weekend her illusions were soon to be shattered! 'South America eh...' she mused, bringing up a world map on her computer and promptly clicking on the continent of Africa. When i gently corrected her error she looked a little embarassed then chuckled 'I never was much good at geography'. I smiled weakly, silently praying that her shortcoming in this area would be made up by her skill with a syringe! After then searching through the list of countries, her brow furrowing further as it transpired 'south america' didn't appear in the drop down list of countries in the world (Aghh!) she decided it would be best if I wrote down which countries I'd be going to. I cheerfully scribbled down the 10 countries on my route. Folding the list carefully and sliding it across the table the way one does when discreetly offering a massive sum of money to take over a company I waited for a response. The nurse blanched and abruptly stood up, mumbling something about the senior nurse and quickly exited the room. I was beginning to wonder what I'd let myself in for, and whether I'd have enough lunch break left by the time we'd finished to get some chilli con carne from the canteen.



After about five minutes the door swung open and in strode the 'senior nurse'. She gave me a stern and reprimanding look while presumably summing up my sanity. She then launched into what I can only describe as a lecture on an epic scale such as the world have never seen. She spanned sex education to international relations, A-Level biology seamlessly ran into third world politics- and she made quite clear that all of this, every possible accident, illness and arrest was going to happen to me while I travelled around south america. Rather disturbingly at one point she leaned in close, confidentially murmuring "A good looking young man like you travelling in south america- I think you know what I'm talking about don't you?" My confidence in the trip I was planning plummeted... and it gets worse.



Taking advantage of my temporary speechlessness the nurse moved in for the kill... delivering like a hammer blow with the fateful words "Oh, and you do realise how much this is going to cost you?' With flawless agility the nurse turned into a maths teacher, scribbling numbers and sums until she had covered a sheet of A4. When I opened my mouth in feeble protest as she added the cost of vaccines to the cost of administering them, then adding the cost of malaria tablets and multiplying them with the number of days I'd be out there she stifled the possibility of debate and concluded her perfect fait accompli "But what price do you put on your life?" Before I could retort that it wasn't anywhere near as high as the £300 sub-total she had already reached she began booking appoitments for me, cheerfully explaining that in total I would need an MMR booster, yellow fever vaccinations, two Hep As, three Hep Bs, and three Rabies (this was followed by another trip back to the classroom where I learnt about the connection between rabies and the vampire myths). And after 3 injections and £120 I still wouldn't actually be protected against rabies. Great.



By this stage I was close to tears, and the nurse, sensing my distress attempted to comfort me, announcing that we need waste no time and with that shot me up with MMR and the 1st Hep A. Informing me that, as with all live vaccinations, I could expect flu like symptoms for 48 hours. I opened my mouth to tell her I had work all afternoon, then closed it again. What was the point? Five minutes later I stumbled out of the surgery into the grey drizzle, clutching an enormous book entitled 'Immunisation- Travel Health' that the nurse had kindly pressed into my hands as I tried to make my escape. With thorobbing arms and a spinning head I made my way to work, where my colleagues and friends were quick to offer there sympathy. My boss touchingly promised that if I began frothing at the mouth after my rabies injection, he would lock me in the spirits cage (the lock-up we keep valuable liquers in).



It is, sadly, too late for me. but I take a small comfort in knowing that people can learn from my experience, and by reading this can save themselves from a similar fate. Before blurting your travel plans to your doctor, stop and remember what happened to me. Thats all I ask.

[LincolnshirePoacher]

It never used to be like this. When I was a student traveller tethered at Portsmouth Polytechnic, the local GP surgery had an excellent nurse that would quickly and efficiently keep you topped up with injections, boosters, laced sugar lumps, horse pills et al. When asked if I’d had the relevant inoculations the simple answer was ‘Yes’; if questioned on which ones, the reply was a confident ‘Er, well… all of them!’ Getting a yellow fever certificate was very much a matter of course (although the needle was so long it felt like it would come out the other side of my arm) and malaria was discussed in terms of just how many Gin and Tonics could be drunk without falling over and whether one really had to wait until the sun went down to start on the first one. And the cost of this cocktail of vaccinations? Well, I don’t ever remember paying; I might have promised to send a postcard once or twice but I don’t think they actually complained if I didn’t.

[flashpacker]

Can somebody tell me what immunisation I would need and which malaria tablet I should take. I am planning a trip to Gondokoro, thereafter Ouagadougou.

Thanks.

Flashpacker